Dear Diary,
Such a beautiful, sunny day it was. The time with himwould be the best day. His smile is all sunshine and it makes me relaxed. Nothing brings me happiness but he does.
I know you cannot wait for hearing my story of today. Let me talk to you about the short trip. The trip was completely perfect, hot and memorable. Since I couldn’t speak Spanish, I just followed along his way. He had done everything for me – driving and planning. Actually, we spent most of the time in hotels. I’ve loved him so we made love. He is the only man I can rely on. So I couldn’t hesitate when he asked me for. Was I falling in love? Obviously.
You remember the thing that I told you before? I tried to talk to him about it but it was really hard to. By the way, I’m saying that I tried my best for it;I made an indirect reference to it. But then why did I feel uncomfortable when he and I talked about the problem. This confusion made me think on our relationship. We stopped to go further with the train and got off at the station. This seems like our relationship that has to take a break for a while.
Didn’t he love me as much as I’ve loved him?I don’t know. Yeah, I wanted toknow what he convinced me to do meant. I wished him to say something to me to be sure about the future between he and I. I thought, thought and thought carefully but he just talked, talked, talked and talked. He just blathered on and on. He seemed to avoid the moment. Since my mum had committed suicide after my dad passed away due to World War I, I have left alone and I have grown alone. I had to do everything by myself. Sadly, I am being alone again and Ihave to make a decision by myself because he seemed that he doesn’t want to talk about it. That’s the worst thing that I had to go through. I tried tounderstand him being so mean because, I love him a lot.
I’m not going to think about this baby because he wanted me to forget about it. Giving birth without him is meaningless. The baby, whose life is going to be hard and unfortunatewithout a father, is better not to come out of the world. If I want to be with him, I gotta follow what he wants. I can’t do anything without him!I’ve gotten nothing to being joyful without him! I could see myself that I have acted as if I am a girl-actually I am 30 years oldin a few years. This was the happiest moment when I was called a ‘girl’ from him and I felt being cared.
Everyone will understand, for sure, why I loved the guy who doesn’t even listen to me. But, you know, it is my happiness to be close to someone. The world bereaved my dad’s life. It was the hardest thing looking how much my mum suffered from. After my parent passed away leaving a 6 old little girl, the girl gotta overcome everything by oneself. Now, the rest of my life is not going to let me alone. I didn’t want to and still I don’t want to so I won’t to.
By the way, I want to say “thank you”, because you were my best friend for the past and you are my best friend for the present and even for the future. We may not be seen each other for some day. I’m going to leave the house for a few months and to have a short trip with him again. I won’t take too much. Wait for me for a while. See ya soon, ma buddy.